Making plans...

Grandpa is not looking well. He continues to get worse. I took him a Sudoku book for his hospital stay and told him to practice =). The pnemonia is persistent and he is on heavy medication. He is taking care of his affairs and while we are hopeful, he seems determined to find peace. I think the only he can is by letting go of us. Soon all I will have of my grandparents are memories. *sigh* Life won't be the same.

Ji-chan is looking better. We went to San Diego for an impromptu visit. He lost a great deal of weight and is still extremely weak, but managed to eat a piece of sushi and some peaches for dinner, which is a good improvement. Hopefully he'll continue the healing and be casino ready soon =).

Despite all the craziness, it's nice to get away sometimes. Tomorrow I will be out in nature, hiking somewhere beautiful (at least I'm hoping it will be beautiful!) with one of my new favorite people. I'm looking forward to letting go and finding my own peace out there =).

Torn =(

It's as though life is trying to balance itself out, bringing good with the bad, but why does something so great have to follow with something so tragic? *sigh*
I just don't know what to feel anymore. I feel guilty for being sad around things that make me most happy. I feel guilty for being so incredibly happy when bad news continues to hit. This balance thing stinks.

Time to live our lives...

We lost grandma on Thursday. She was recovering from surgery well and suddenly fainted, resulting in tubes and momentary conciousness to say goodbye. I've been very sad, but am trying to see the light amongst the sadness. She is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, lived a full and fantastic 84 years, and is now in her heaven smiling at everyone making such a fuss over her. =) Must be strong for Saturday, I don't know how to carry a casket with tears. She will always be loved.
She reminds me how life is what we make it to be. We can cower in the corner and never leave, or we can make happiness for ourselves, we can create joy out of the simplest things in life and we can appreciate all that life has to offer. Less tomorrows and more todays.